Reflections

I realized today that I haven't posted anything in a while.. maybe because things have been going so well.  But, it's in the good times that we tend to forget that God wants our praises too.  And, OH.. I have sooo much to praise Him for.  Mykenzie.. yes, I spelled it that way on purpose :-).. has just blossomed.  She is rolling all over the floor, and holding herself up and saying Mama!!  And Marcus is standing and taking steps, when he doesn't think about it.. LOL!  My children amaze me daily! 
I am currently in the process of planning their 1st birthday party and I am having sooo much fun!!  I am hoping for a good turnout :-)  As promised, All of her UAB friends know about it and will have a formal invitation in the mail in a few weeks.. as well as everyone here at home! 
We actually will be in Birmingham in about a month to see her immunologist.  And we will stop by the CICU and see everyone... they won't believe how she's grown!  Oh.. and my little man will be going with us.. FINALLY a stay in Birmingham where he can go with us!!!! 
It will be nice to walk in as a family, happy and healthy and smiling..  and to be able to hug the people who made that day possible.  I write that sentance with tear filled eyes.  You will never know what a gift you gave us.  She is such a precious child.  Her smile will melt your heart, and you smile with her.  God's plan for her has got to be big.. because I swear I can see Hin in her. 
So, I will leave you with a song that sums up my life since June 4, 2010..

No Matter What- Kerrie Roberts

I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to, I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you. Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I, keep asking why, I keep asking why,

No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not,if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.

When I’m stuck in this nothing-ness by myself, I’m just sitting in silence, there’s no way I can make it without Your help, I wont even try it. I know You have Your reasons for everything, so I will keep believing, whatever I might be feeling, God you are my hope, and you'll be my strength,

No matter what, I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what, no matter what.

Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s ok if You don’t, I’m not here for those things, the touch of Your love is enough on its own, no matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You

No matter what I’m gonna still love you, no matter what I’m gonna need you, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain but if not, if not, I’ll trust You, I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain, but if not, if not, I’ll trust you, no matter what no matter what no matter no matter what

Small Steps...

So, we've been home now for a week and OH what a fabulous week it has been!!  It has been nice being home.. you realize what you take for granted when you are gone for a month!  We saw Dr. Roca today and there is a little bit of fluid that has accumulated but I gave it to God and I'm leaving it there.  I will do what I need to do to take care of her.. but I have a peace that she's going to be fine and that Birmingham is a few years away.. except for maybe a visit :-)
It was such a beautiful day today.. when Cory got home, we got the kids dressed and took them for a walk up the street.  It was our first walk as a family!  It was sooo nice!!  I had to take a picture and share it with you! 

Holding on!!!!

First of all let me just say - GOD IS AWESOME!!!!
Kenzie's xray was perfect this morning... need me to say that again???!!! 
I will post a picture tomorrow below this post for you to see... NO FLUID!!!
I was praying and thanking God and thinking about blogging this and this song was brought to me, so here it is.  So, first I just had to have Faith and now I just have to Hold on.  Got it! 

Hold On by Toby Mac

Wake up to the morning light
wipe away the lonely nights
let a brand new day wash over you,
Wanna see you smile again
show some love to your crazy friends
wipe your tears away
those days are through

If you move just a little bit closer you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah

[Chorus:]
So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you can hold on, to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can
stop this crazy love
from breaking through

We're breaking through
We're breaking through

Wake up to the morning sun
thank the Lord for the
things He's done
lift your eyes up to the
hope that's ever true
Wanna see you smiling girl
you're a light in this jaded world
wipe away those tears
this one's for you

Come on, move a little bit closer, you can put your head on my shoulder
Yeah, yeah

[Chorus]

And the stars are up there
shining for you
oh, the Father does adore you
His love will never change
And you and I
we were born to follow
the hope that will lead us to tomorrow
and no one can take it away

So baby hold on
just another day or two
I can see the clouds are
moving faster now
and the sun is breaking through
If you could hold on
to the one that's holding you
there is nothing that can stop this crazy, crazy love from breaking [x2]

You see the clouds are
moving faster now
the clouds are moving faster

You see the clouds are
moving faster now
And the sun is breaking through

We're breaking through

That's What Faith Can Do...

"I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
 Hope that doesn’t ever end
 Even when the sky is falling
 I’ve seen miracles just happen
 Silent prayers get answered
 Broken hearts become brand new
 That’s what faith can do"

~Kutless~

God's teaching me about Faith this week... cuz I've asked Him why, why not, when, how soon, where and every question that you can ask.  He's teaching my family about faith as well.  For what reason we don't know just yet- but I know that He will reveal Himself in the end. 
I've got a lot of stories to share and a lot of songs that go along with them.. because that's how God speaks to me- He always has.. maybe that's why I love music so much.  I find so much joy and comfort in it- because I find God there. 

So, this week in particular I have been struggling with feeling like God wasn't here with me in the midst of my storm.  I pray, and pray and pray... more like beg, and beg and beg.. for my child and I get frustrated and sometimes even mad that God hasn't said Ok.. and BAM.. it's fixed.  So, I asked Him.. SHOW ME.
I need to know that You are here.  Please.

As I turned on some music the other day, I turned my Ipod on shuffle and the second song that came on was " I Believe In Love" by Barlow Girl.  God hit me in the face.   HERE I AM.

"I Believe In Love"
How long will my prayers seem unanswered?
Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say
Even when He is silent

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe.

So, ok.. I'm listening God!!  Not only has He just told me that He's still here with me and that He's in control.. he sent Angels in the form of my husband and a couple of friends to encourage me. But, wait, God's not done yet!  Sunday before I went to bed, even tho I was so tired I almost couldn't sit up.. God was nudging for me to get into the word.. so I did.  And I asked Him to show me where He wanted me.. so, I closed my eyes and opened my Bible.  I opened up to Daniel.  The last two sentances of the synopsis reads " Daniels life is a picture of the triumph of faith.  May God grant us this type of faith so that we may also live couragelously each day."
WOW... God just keeps reminding me... that He loves me and that He's always with me.
SO.. I'm gonna walk by FAITH and not by SIGHT... you have brought us through sooo much before.. this is nothing.  I just need to wait on YOU!